We’d have to come up with more unique ways to fulfill that intimacy during the times he’s away. It would make the times when we’re apart more difficult. How do you think you and your husband’s relationship would be affected if he had to be away for a long stretch and you couldn’t use porn to connect? (At least while you’re in Louisiana.) Any way that you can keep that sense of communication open, that sense of intimacy, that sense of trust in each other, it just makes everything smoother when they come back. Now this person has to reintegrate into the household after being gone for a long period of time. Lots of people after deployment have a hard time reconnecting as couples because they’ve been separated, and the spouse who’s at home has made up ways of getting stuff done. There’s something grounding in the ability to have these kinds of conversations and these moments and this intimacy that helps keep you more realistic. It’s also hard sometimes, when you’re separated from another person for long periods of time, to not end up with this weird picture of them that you’ve built up in your head, and to keep it real, basically.

That connection is just so important to well-being and mental health. It’s just important, whether that’s sexual or not. Just being able to connect with other human beings matters. I don’t know about anybody else, but at least for me, that intimacy is an integral part of the human experience. People in the Army and the Navy have their own deployment times, often for months or years at a time. There are also some people who get stationed in, say, Bahrain, and they’re gone for a whole year. You’re alone, they’re alone, everybody needs to blow off some steam. Imagine being out at sea for three months … pornography helps, let’s just put it that way. I’m not the only military spouse that gets separated from her spouse. I know lots of people, both active-duty military and military spouses, who use porn, and I don’t think I’m uncommon. It’s good for your mental health and for keeping that part of your marriage alive.

Being able to share that intimate moment can really be satisfying. It’s a way to bring that back into the relationship despite the distance from one another. What makes porn an important part of your relationship?įor one, you can use it kind of like a date night, like you would movies, right? When it’s been a hot minute, you need that sort of intimacy.

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